


Through pain and oppression

by cam94509



Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, Homophobia, PTSD, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-21
Updated: 2015-03-21
Packaged: 2018-03-18 20:42:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3583326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cam94509/pseuds/cam94509
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Instead of going their separate ways, what if Asami goes with Korra to the South Pole at the end of Chapter 3? What if we were to learn that the Avatar world really wasn't such a great place to be bisexual? (Some late 60's social vibes in re being bi/gay, because the more appropriate 10's/20's are more... culture specific IRL, and the late 60's offers some degree of hope.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In pain

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warnings for suicidal ideation on this chapter! This piece gets a trigger warning because it literally triggers me. On the other hand, I find it kind of therapeutic to write.
> 
> On a side, this piece is moved over from fanfiction.net, so that's why you're getting the first five chapters or so pretty quick. I'm estimating 15 chapters for the length because 15 chapters is what my current outline calls for, although the story will probably grow a little before the final version :P

 

* * *

**Korra's POV**

* * *

" _Can_  you come with me?" I asked, "I mean, it's a nice offer, but can you actually afford to?"

"Sure. I will have to come back to Republic City once in a while; I  _do_  need to make trips back from time to time, but it's hardly the first time I'll have run Future Industries from away from Republic City." Asami smiled.

"Then... yes, it would be nice to have you at the South Pole."

* * *

That evening, Asami and I said goodbye to Mako, Bolin, and our other friends, and boarded a ship bound for the South Pole. Because the two of us could hardly manage to both fit into my parents house, Asami rented a place for us not too far from where they lived, and we moved in there for the time being.

For the first few days, I didn't do much at all. I stayed there, and did basically nothing. I couldn't keep food down, so I didn't eat, and I didn't even try to sleep, I was too afraid of the nightmares. Asami, who had been taking care of me largely without putting any pressure on me to do much of anything finally tried to put her foot down on the third day.

"Korra. Look, I don't want to put too much pressure on you, but you need to do something to help you improve. We talked about you seeing Katara, I think it'd be a good idea to do that." She said.

"I don't want to. I've had people try to heal me, it hurts." I groaned, "Katara is the best healer, but it's not going to hurt any less for her doing it."

"But if you DON'T, you're only going to remain sick."

"Fine, I'll go." I said.

"Thank you." She legitimately smiled when I said I'd go.

The next morning, Asami wheeled me to Katara's hut.

Once she'd let us in, Asami left to go finish some work, and I asked, "Can you heal me?"

"If you get in the healing tank, I can see what I can do." Katara said.

She helped me out of the chair, and helped me into the healing tank. The water itself felt fine, but I cringed anyway. I knew it was going to hurt in just a moment. Sure enough, as soon as Katara began healing me, I could feel a new pain flare up throughout my body; the normal positive feelings I had when healing were still there, but barely noticeable beneath the incredible pain. I closed my eyes, trying to focus on hanging in there. The pain just kept increasing, and I had to call out for her to stop. She did, but the pain only slowly decreased.

I was pulled somewhere else in my head; I was chained to a wall. I was trying desperately to keep from going into the Avatar state. The cycle depended on it. I would not give up, even against this immense pain. And then I was somewhere else, still reliving things that had already happened. Amon was standing over me taking my bending; it hurt unimaginably much.

"I told you I would destroy you." He said.

I threw a punch, only to feel a new pain in my hand.

As the pain decreased, I opened my eyes again. I wasn't reliving the past anymore, which was important, but I was still scared. It took me a moment to remind myself that it was past, and I was still shaken. I could see where I'd punched the wall of the tank; luckily I wasn't punching as hard as I used to, so it hadn't broken any skin.

I was still hurting though.

"I have some good news and I have some bad news." Katara said, "The good news is that I can do a lot to help you. The bad news is that for the first few weeks it's going to hurt a lot. You've got serious nerve damage, and when the nerves come back, they'll hurt a lot. I can try to make it hurt less at any given time, and it should hurt less as you continue healing, but it will still hurt."

I frowned, "I can live with that, I think. I may have to be done for a while, this hurts very badly."

"That's good. Don't overdo it." Katara said.

I sighed. Overdoing it was what I did best, normally, but right now, I had no desire to deal with the flashbacks again. The pain was still present, although it was fading to some degree. Katara helped me back into my chair, and then wheeled me to the house before saying goodbye. I knocked on the door.

Asami came out the door, "Can she help?"

"Yeah, but... It hurts. A lot." I said, "I want to heal, but I'm not sure I'll be able to do much at any given time."

That night, I went back for a second healing session. This time, the session went a little longer, in part because Katara worked more slowly, giving me a chance to catch my breath when possible. Still, I didn't get that much more healing done. The nice thing was that Asami was at least waiting for me at the door.

That night, I had more nightmares. In my head, I was in republic City, in the narrow hallways in which I had fought Amon. He took my bending, and then, before I could even fight back, I was in a different place, with Raava no longer connected to me and being destroyed by Unalaq. Then, back in Republic City, watching the first time I'd seen someone's bending taken away, only it was scarier than the first time some how.

I felt something or someone touch me. I threw a punch, only to feel it connect, if not particularly hard.

I was drenched in sweat, and in a small room. The room I had been sleeping in, I realized, but I felt disoriented and scared. The only thing that felt at all familiar in the room was Asami, and I realized that I'd just punched her, especially given that my arm hurt as if I'd just tried to actually do something with it. She still had a hand rested lightly on my shoulder, so I probably didn't hurt her too much, but I wasn't sure how much of that was just for show.

"Sorry, sorry!" I said, a wave of guilt washing over me.

"It's alright, you weren't really conscious. Plus, you don't hit very hard in your sleep." Asami smiled, "Are you OK?"

"No." I admitted, "I'm scared and I'm in pain. I'm wide awake."

Asami nodded, "I'm sorry."

She patted my shoulder, as if she was uncomfortable.

 _Well, who wouldn't be uncomfortable?_  I thought,  _I mean, I'm broken, scared, and apparently I hit the people trying to take care of me._

I was fairly sure that didn't completely add up, but I wasn't really sure how, and it seemed about right to me at the time. I frowned, and said, "Hey, if I'm too much of a hassle, you can go back to Republic City. I understand if-"

"Korra, it's fine."

Asami stayed with me until I calmed down and fell asleep again. I managed to sleep for a couple more hours before I woke up again, in another cold sweat, after another set of nightmares.

She was there again.

I was grateful to have her there, but after a while, I felt kind of guilty.

"Thank you. You can go to bed now."

"But..."

"Please. I feel really guilty about keeping you up." I interrupted

"Are you going to be OK?" She asked, fidgeting slightly with her hair.

"As alright as I'll ever be." I said.

She went back to bed, but I didn't go back to sleep. I lay in my bed for the next two hours, bored, but at least not terrified. Over the next several days, I fell into a routine where I ate little, slept less, and had two short, painful healing sessions each day.

At the beginning, I was optimistic; I WOULD get better, I promised myself. But as the days dragged on, I was growing less and less hopeful. Nothing seemed to be changing. After two weeks, I was feeling absolutely hopeless.

It all felt so fucking pointless. I was suicidal at this point; if I had been able to move much on my own, I'd have jumped off a cliff somewhere. Healing seemed to be doing nothing for me, eating was painful, I could do nothing on my own, and here I was, unable to even kill myself. I wished I'd died after the fight with Zaheer; killed him, left the Avatar state, and died.

I was in this head-space when Asami, her eyes filled with pain and pity, asked me if there was anything she could do.

"No." I said. I tried to keep the bitter anger out of my voice; I knew that it wasn't fair to HER to get mad. Still, I had no desire for her pity. I wanted to impress her again, for her to see me with eyes full of wonder. The pity was INFURIATING; it made me feel more worthless than I already did.

What was worse was the pain, though. I was a cause of her pain, and that hurt  _me._

 _If I was dead._ I thought,  _nobody would hurt for me, not after a while. Sure, they'd hurt for a while, but they'd get over it, and I wouldn't hurt anymore either._

"You... could kill me." I said, I didn't expect her to actually do it, but it felt like any chance was worth it.

"No." She said forcefully. She wasn't pitying me anymore, at least. She was mad at me.

"Why not? Everything hurts! I can't sleep! Eating hurts! I can't walk! Fuck, I can't even kill myself. I have no agency, no privacy, I feel completely powerless. Living SUCKS." I yelled. Yelling hurt.

"But you are getting better." Asami said. That sounded almost like a statement of faith.

"I've been 'getting better' for two weeks. I can't wheel this chair twenty feet on my own. All that 'getting better' has done has been cause me more pain!" Yeling again, "Please. I want to die."

"Korra... no." She was crying. I averted my eyes, trying not to cry myself, "I can't. You  _know_  I can't. You know know it's not fair to ask me."

"Why can't you? I mean, no one else is going to." I didn't turn towards her; I didn't want to see the effects my words had on her.

She didn't answer immediately. I took a deep breath, steeled myself, and turned to look at her, "Look. I'm not making anyone else happy. You're constantly hurt or taking care of me or pitying me, and you're not doing the things you love back in Republic City. My family is constantly worrying about me, I'm taking up my father's time and energy from the Southern Water Tribe, which needs HIS leadership. The world needs it's Avatar, and I can practically feel the world around me falling out of balance, but I can't do anything. Katara, even, seems to pity me. It's not like anyone looking at me seems to think this life is worth living. If it were just the pain, I could probably handle it. But I feel like I'm failing all of you, or that I'm making you support me.

And... I can't do the things I used to like to do. I can't spar. I can't make you happy. I can't be a great Avatar. I can't spend time with my friends, or at least, not without making them sad. And it's not like I know for sure that I  _will_  get better. It's like, everyone else takes that on faith, but I have to live with the results, unlike the rest of you. I  _can't_  take that on faith. How am I supposed to feel? What do you want from me? To pretend that I'm happy?"

and... she was hanging her head, staring at her toes.

"See? Now you're guilty. Still not a good emotion, and here I am causing it." I said.

Finally, she met my eyes again, and spoke, "I'm sorry-"

I interrupted her, "Please. I don't want an apology. That's not what I want."

"Hey, I listened to you. Now will you listen to me?"

"Not like I have much choice, now do I? I can't exactly up and leave."

"If you want, I can take you to your healing session, and leave you alone. It's either that, or you can actually listen to me." She seemed angry.

"Fine, I'll listen." I said.

"First, I'm sorry. It's kind of selfish of me to focus on how this hurts me, and you're not wrong that I've been sort of doing that. Second, I'm sorry that I never really thought about how only thinking about 'getting better' put pressure on you and made it only seem like you're worth being around if you were better. I'm sorry about that.

But... Never ask me to kill you again." Tears were welling up in her eyes again. I was tempted to look away, but I was fairly sure that I would only hurt her more, "That's not fair to me. I care about you SO MUCH, I can't imagine doing anything like that to you."

I was crying now, too, "I'm sorry. It just sucks. It hurts, and it's kinda lonely. I really don't want you to not feel like you get to hurt; you get to have feelings to. This sucks for you, and I understand that, and honestly if it didn't it'd probably make me more uncomfortable. I just... want to stop feeling like I'm only causing you pain."

"I'm sorry I make you feel that way." She moved to hug me, but then hesitated.

I opened my arms as an invitation, and she hugged me. The warmth of actually being touched (in ways other than the nervous touch on the shoulder I'd dealt with recently) felt really, really, good. I felt a warm glow, and I couldn't help but smile.

"Thank you." I said, As she let go, my arms fell to my side. I balled one hand into a loose fist, as if trying to cling on to this good feeling.

"Honestly, I needed a hug as well." She smiled, "I'm really glad to see you smiling, it's been too long."

"I could say the same about you." I laughed.

"Let's get you to Katara for healing. We can talk more later, but you should actually go. At least let's get you as better as you can get." Asami said.

"Alright." I said.

* * *

The screaming pain from the water was the same as usual. I wished I'd invited Asami to be here to keep me company; I realized after a moment that I probably could have. Sure, she did work during this time, but she COULD do it during some other time, and this was probably when I needed her the most. For now, though, I held on to the memory of the hug and her smile, something positive to get me through the pain.

For the most part, it was enough. The pain was still getting worse, but it didn't bug me as much as usual. Eventually, though, the pain grew to be too much. I'd made it a longer than usual, but the fear was back, as were the flashbacks.

In my head, the poison was being bent at me, and I was chained to the wall. The pain stopped getting worse. There were two men and one woman standing around me. I was chained to the wall. I was sure I was going to die. I knew this wasn't real, but I was sure I was going to die.

As the metal poison entered my veins, I felt myself being lifted from the tank; Katara was waterbending me out, I reasoned, to avoid my flailing limbs. After a moment, the flashback passed, and I found myself back in reality.

I felt the pain slowly receding; still, it was some of the worst pain I'd felt in my entire life.

If I was less shaken, I might have been embarrassed; I'd been telling Katara when the pain got too bad since my first healing session set me off. The positive vibes from earlier were mostly gone, and I was honestly pretty miserable. I felt so tired and hurt and scared.

I asked Katara to take me home, and she agreed. Still, she only wound up taking me as far as the door.

Asami was waiting there at the door.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"I was just... worried about you." She said.

"I'd say 'I'm fine', but I'm not."

"Korra, should I leave you with Asami?" Katara asked.

"Sure." I replied.

As Katara walked back into her house, Asami and I continued our conversation.

"So, what's wrong? Did something new happen? Are you alright?" Asami fretted

"I'm fine." I sighed, "I just didn't stop Katara in time to avoid another set of flashbacks."

"That's not good."

"No, it's not. On the other hand, I managed to deal with healing for a lot longer than before, so that's good." I smiled.

"That is good."

"Hey, would you be willing to be with me next time? It really hurts and you can be really comforting." I said.

"Sure."


	2. In love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this story is still pretty dead (sorry) but I needed to fix the spelling mistake.

I was in the middle of a mountain range. I felt weak; stronger than I usually felt nowadays, but still somehow weak. My body burned with a pain that was sharp and bright, like a thousand suns were burning inside my body. I was fighting Zaheer; his face, with his monkish shaved head and it's somehow militaristic shape, was seared into my head.

I knew, on some level, that this wasn't real, but that didn't matter, it felt as real as the day it happened. As we fought, my body failed. Of course it did, it always did. He suddenly had the upper hand.

"You can't fight me AND the poison!" He said.

He began pulling the air from my lungs, and the thousand suns in my body burst into a thousand supernovas; the poison and the air being pulled from my lungs hurt far more than just the poison itself. After a few moments, I woke with a scream, although at least this time I didn't throw a punch. I was, however, tangled in my sheets, which made the fear I was feeling far worse.

The real world felt less real than the nightmare I'd just had. I could only focus on my heavy breathing; it hadn't been real, right? Right. Well, it had been real, it just wasn't NOW. I was struggling to breathe, which felt awful after the dream.

I felt a familiar hand on my shoulder.

"I... can't breathe." I said.

"It's gonna be OK. You're OK now."

"I can't move and I can't fight and I can't breathe." I hyperventilated.

"I understand." She said, patting my shoulder lightly. She helped untangle the blankets from me.

I turned to look at her. I could feel my breathing begin to slow down slightly, and the dream seemed progressively more like a dream should.

"I AM going to be OK. You can go to bed now, Asami." I offered.

"I don't think I'm going to sleep for a while. Do you want to go for a walk?"

"Can't walk." I rolled my eyes.

"I mean, I can push a wheelchair, but yeah, you're right. 'Walk' is the wrong word. Still, I figure it'd be nice to to offer to go out and do something that's not sit in bed awake for the next four hours."

"Sounds nice." I said, although it would have sounded a lot nicer if I could move myself.

Asami helped me into the chair; she had to help me the entire way. I found the entire process somewhat frustrating, but at least I wasn't going to be stuck in bed. Once I was in the chair, I made a decision.

"I'm going to try to move the chair myself. I don't know how far I'll be able to get, and I may need some help, but I'm sick of being completely helpless." I said.

"Alright." Asami nodded.

I grabbed the wheels of the chair, and pushed them forward. It took most of my strength, which was frustrating because I was used to being strong. But the chair moved, and I got myself to the door before pausing to breathe.

My arms were somewhat sore; I was in terrible shape. Still, I was doing way better than last time I had tried to actually move myself. The healing was paying off, at least to some degree.

"Can you get the door for me?" I asked.

"Oh, yeah. I can probably rig up some way for you to open that yourself in future, if you'd like." Asami offered, getting the door.

"That would be nice." I said.

I rolled myself out the door, and we slowly made our way toward one of my favorite places. I had to take frequent breaks, but eventually I made it to one of the best views in all of the South Pole, which was fairly close to my parent's house.

The best part was that I had moved myself there. My arms were absolutely killing me, and I was fairly sure I wasn't going to be able to make it back to the house on my own.

"Can we spend some time here?" I asked.

"Alright." Asami agreed

I smiled, "I got here without any help. I'm actually getting better!"

Asami smiled, "Yeah. I'm glad. I was really worried about you."

"Well, yeah, but you seemed pretty sure I was going to get better."

"Honestly, I was being optimistic for your sake. I wasn't 100% sure you were going to survive." She sighed, "I mean, I'm pretty convinced now, but you haven't been eating for weeks now. That's part of the reason why I came here in the first place. I wanted to spend time with you in case I didn't get to see you again. I wouldn't want to miss my last chances to be with my best friend."

I was a little confused with how she said 'best friend', it was as if she'd said it in place of something else, but I wasn't sure what else she'd have said. I sort of wrote it off as a misunderstanding in my head.

"I'm scared." I admitted, "I mean, I know I wanted to die today, but I'm starting to get better and I honestly want to live at this point. I'm not sure I'll ever be the best bender in the world again, or really sure what awaits me, but I feel like I can still do meaningful things... and honestly, this could sound kind of weird, but there's you too live for, as well."

 _What does that even mean?_  I asked myself. It certainly seemed true, but it felt more like the kind of thing I'd say to a crush than to a close friend. I wasn't sure if I could even have a crush on her. Could a woman love a woman? I'd never really even thought of it before. If it was possible, I was starting to think I might feel that way toward her.

"It could be weird, but it's not, it's honestly kind of touching. I'm glad I can help, and if I'm providing you something to live for, that actually means a lot to me." She smiled, and then continued, "I'm really glad you want to live. Because of how much of what you're dealing with is a matter of enduring pain, I think that'll make a big difference, and that's good."

Asami was standing next to me, and she put an arm around me. I smiled, and leaned into her. I was exhausted physically as well as being terribly short sleep, and I must have fallen asleep at some point leaning on her.

I woke up in bed the next morning; apparently I'd slept through the rest of the night without more nightmares, which was nice. To my surprise, Asami was already there, waiting for me to wake up.

"What time is it?" I asked.

"It's like two in the afternoon." Asami smiled, "I considered waking you, but you really needed the sleep."

"Thank you." I smiled, "I guess that does mean I missed my first healing session, though."

"No, I talked to Katara, she's basically free whenever, so I just let her know you'd be late today. Also, you didn't miss breakfast, either, no matter how much you might want to have." She teased.

"Whatever." I laughed, "Let's get me out of bed."

Asami helped me the chair, and then said, "I think you'll like what I've done to the door."

I rolled over to the door, and noticed she'd shoddily installed a button into the wall.

I pressed it, and the door opened.

"It really wasn't hard to figure out what to do." Asami laughed, "The hardest part was powering the motor, since there's not exactly a power-grid to plug into around here, but honestly, invention is what I carry batteries for. I'll make the button look prettier later, but for now I just wanted to get the system working."

The door closed while she was speaking. It slammed shut with a rather loud  _bang._  I jumped, as did she. All of my muscles froze up for a moment, and I felt myself preparing to fight. At least this time, there were no flashbacks.

"I'll make sure to fix that, too." She laughed nervously.

* * *

I hardly had an appetite when I sat down to eat, but I resolved to eat at least  _something_ today. I picked at the noodles, but they honesty looked unappetizing. I normally really liked this noodle dish, but today, as every day since the injury, I had no real desire to eat. The portion was smaller than I had been served back when I had been really eating, for the simple reason that if I were to eat a full portion, I'd probably throw it up. I had gone without really eating for three weeks, after all.

I talked to Asami while I ate, which was probably the only reason I was able to distract myself enough to eat at all. I'd mostly finished when I got to a point where I couldn't eat anything more, and then I frowned, "I really can't eat any more."

"You're still doing better than you have since the injury, though." She said.

I smiled, "Well, I'm trying, at least."

I had to ask Asami help me get to the healing session; my arms were fairly tired.

What surprised me when Katara began to heal me was how much less than I expected it hurt. It still hurt, and I was fairly sure I couldn't do this forever, but it didn't hurt as much as it had yesterday.

"It doesn't hurt as much as I'm used to."

Katara smiled, "It won't keep hurting forever. If you continue to work through this, eventually it should stop hurting altogether."

As the session continued, the pain predictably got worse; I'd begun holding Asami's hand for comfort, and after a while she said, "Korra, uh... you're kinda killing my hand over here."

I realized that I was squeezing her hand rather tightly, and I blushed, "Sorry."

It wasn't much longer before I had to ask Katara to stop and Katara and Asami picked me up and put me back in my chair.

I managed to eat something, although not much, at lunch, and I actually managed to finish the small amount I was served at dinner. I could tell that the fact that I was eating made Asami happy, which made me happy.

The second healing session was awful.

For the first while, the healing only hurt a little, as it had before. But then, somewhere along the way, it started to hurt really badly again. In my surprise, I asked Katara to stop after only a few moments.

"It hurts again." I said, "Give me a minute to catch my breath and to get ready."

Katara nodded, and I took a few deep breaths. I got used to the current pain level, and let it fade back just a little bit before saying, "Alright, I'm ready." The pain was, as I knew it would be, absolutely awful. I was expecting it, which made it less of a pressing need to stop. I tried to continue to hang on as long as I could, but I overestimated my tolerance for pain.

I found myself in another flashback. This time, it was of Unalaq, destroying Raava. I felt violated somehow as Raava was destroyed, a piece of me taken out of me and then destroyed. When I returned to reality, I was back in the wheelchair, with Asami standing next to me, looking worried. She'd wheeled me out of Katara's house.

I buried my head in her shoulder and cried, "It hurts again, and these fucking memories keep coming back, and I..."

Asami ran a hand through my hair, saying "You need to breathe, Korra."

I did. Slowing down and breathing didn't make the fear go away, but it helped a little. Eventually, I did manage to get calm, but I still felt shaky, and a little sick. I always felt a little like this after a flashback, but this was way worse; I just couldn't find somewhere that felt reasonable, and the fact that I had something in my stomach that I could theoretically throw up made me nervous.

"I wish I had known when to stop. I feel awful."

Asami put an arm around me and pulled me in tight, "Please, don't over do it."

"I just... honestly I just don't want you to worry about me, so I'm trying super hard." I said, eyes welling up with tears.

"Korra. If you get more hurt trying to show me just how OK you're going to be, that's not going to make me happy either." She smiled, though.

* * *

I lay in bed that night, thinking about something I'd noticed last night.

Was I falling in love with Asami? I'd never noticed women loving women, or men loving men, but that wasn't necessarily proof that it never happened. Still, it might have been a pretty strong indicator, and the fact that I was sure reproduction wasn't possible, and I wasn't sure sex was possible. Still, none of those things meant that love was impossible.

But... I also knew how I felt. It wasn't quite the same as the way I'd felt about Mako, but that wasn't necessarily a bad thing. When I thought about it, I certainly wanted to hug her, to kiss her, and I  _wanted_  to be in love with her, and I wanted her to love me back. That was probably the most important thing, when I thought about it, the fact that I wanted to love her back.

I was fairly sure how I felt about her as I dozed off to sleep, full of warm thoughts about cuddling a loved one and about holding hands and generally being happy.

And, that night, I not only didn't have nightmares, but I had good dreams. Dreams about cuddling Asami, dreams about kissing her. Anatomically nonsensical dreams about having sex with her. Dreams about a future with her. Good dreams, for once.

For the first few moments after I woke up, I felt good. But, after a moment, I was filled with a new fear. It had been all fine and well to realize how I felt about Asami, but now, in the clarity of the morning, I realized how lonely it was.

Because I knew of literally no one else like me. I certainly had feelings for her, but I didn't know if she felt that way about me. Was I broken? How would she respond, if she found out? I had the feeling that if she didn't like me like I liked her, the response wouldn't be positive. Was I going to ruin my closest friendship? Maybe I wasn't even really in love, I wasn't sure I could trust my own judgments.

I decided to keep my feelings to myself, at least until I'd learned more about my feelings and decided how I felt for sure, and maybe learned if I wasn't so alone.

I realized, awkwardly, that I usually used Asami's help to get dressed. I really, really didn't want to have her help me change right now, that sounded like the most awkward and uncomfortable thing possible. Still, I wasn't sure I needed it. I used the bed to hold me up as I got into my chair, which was part one of two of the hard parts about changing.

I rolled over to where my clothes were hanging up, and grabbed my chest bindings, a shirt, and my pants.

The shirt and the chest bindings were easy, but the pants were difficult. I had no idea how to get the pants I slept in off, heck to getting these pants on. I decided to transfer to myself back to my bed, which was a precarious task on it's own. I barely had the upper arm strength to push myself up, but I had gotten strong enough over the last couple days that I could do it, if barely. I rolled back slightly, and found a position that I  _could_  change my pants in, and then sighed.

It was an ordeal, but I had managed to dress myself.

I hadn't just avoided the awkwardness of having Asami help me change, I'd also just reached to a point where I could be largely independent. I got back into my chair, and then rolled myself out of the bedroom and into the living room, where Asami was sitting and working on something.

"Hey, Asami."

"Hey, Korra... Wait, how did you get here?" She asked.

"Well, I can get to my bed from my chair, and I get to chair from the bed. I can't walk, but I can hold up myself up by my arms well enough at this point that, at least enough to move around, I can get around. It's not great, but it's enough that I can dress myself." I said proudly.

"Well, that's good news!" Asami smiled.

"Yeah." I said, rolling over next to her.

Suddenly, I felt very awkward. What if I said something that gave away my feelings? I must have shown my feelings somehow, because Asami proceeded to ask, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." I lied. I knew it was an unconvincing lie when I told it, and I really didn't want to lie in the first place, "That's not true. There is something wrong, I don't want to talk about it."

That was still sort of not true, I  _really_  wanted to talk to her about it, but I wasn't sure how that I would turn out.

"Alright, well, if you DO want to talk about something, I'm here for you." She said, "Or, if you just need a hug or something."

"No hugs." said abruptly. I could feel myself blushing; I'd spoken too quickly and too forcefully to be anything but suspicious. Moreover, in my rush to avoid anything vaguely intimate, I'd turned down an offer of something I actually wanted. After all, friends could hug, right? I winced, but corrected myself, "Actually, a hug would be nice. Sorry."

"It's fine. At some point, I would like to know what's up, but you don't have to tell me if you don't want to." Asami said, and walked over and then wrapped her arms around me. I could feel my heart start to beat faster.

 _Damn it, Korra._  I thought,  _not now._

The whole hug was somewhat awkward; I was acutely aware of the fact that I  _liked_  her, and that wished that I could just enjoy this, but at the same time I felt super guilty about how I felt about it. Plus, I was aware of just how much I wished I could do so many other things with her. There was at least one upside, which was that I couldn't convince myself that I didn't like her, but that honestly felt bad in it's own right; now I had to be scared again.

"Korra." Asami said as she let go, "I know that whatever's going must be hard to talk about, but seriously. I'm here for you."

"I know. I really can't, and I'm sorry. Can we drop it?"

She shrugged, "Sure. There's something I need to talk to you about anyway."

"Oh. What's up?" I asked.

"I need to go back to Republic city for a week. I'll be leaving the day after tomorrow. I hope that's OK, I really do need to make sure that Future Industries is being run properly, and while I generally trust the people there, I want to make sure everything is working as intended."

"Alright. You take care of Future Industries. I'll be Ok, I can mostly take care of myself at this point, and Katara and my parents are here, too, so it's not like I'll be entirely alone." To be truthful, I would miss her a lot, but she wouldn't my crush if she wasn't the kind of person who had to make sure that everything was running properly.

The next couple days were pretty awkward; I obviously wasn't going to talk to Asami about my crush on her, but she was normally the first person I would have trusted with something like this. I desperately needed to talk to SOMEONE, but she was basically there with me every waking moment, and I wasn't sure how to ask for some space.

At night, I had nightmares again, although I had some dreams that might have been good, under other circumstances. Sleeping was confusing, but it was becoming more tolerable.

By the time she was leaving, I was almost glad to have a little space. I would definitely miss her, but on the other hand I desperately needed someone who wasn't her to talk to about the crush I had on her and what it even meant for me to feel this way about a woman.

On the day that she left, I followed her to the boat, and I hugged her before she left, "I'll miss having you around."

"I'll only be gone for a week. Jeez, Korra!" She laughed, and gently punched my shoulder.

I laughed, too.


	3. Apart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be fair, even though this interpretation of the world isn't actually my headcanon, Korra being completely clueless about anything romance or sex related is basically 200% headcanon for me.

The night after, I had terrible nightmares. I woke up screaming. For a moment, I was so caught up in my nightmares that I didn't even have any expectations of the real world, but after a moment, I started to expect Asami coming to comfort me. It took me a little while before I realized why she hadn't come, that she was across the sea in Republic City.

I'd already been shaking from fear, but I was shaking with tears now, too. I'd become so used to her support that I felt a little lost without her. As I started to get at least some understanding of reality, I was miserable; it was still too early for me to go spend some time with my parents, as I was planning to do while Asami was away.

That didn't leave me much distraction from the fear at the sadness, and I quickly found that I couldn't really fall asleep again in this mindset. I decided to go out, and slipped from my bed to my chair; I'd placed the chair in such a way that it was easy to get to from my bed, just one way that I'd learned to make my life easier as I continued to recover.

I pushed the button to open the door, and rolled to the place where I'd fallen asleep leaning on Asami only a few days prior. It was an absolutely gorgeous view, as it had always been, but somehow it felt a little lonely now. I was actually a little embarrassed; we'd only spent a short while apart, but I was already missing her.

Frankly, the fact that I was fairly clearly falling in love with her was starting to freak me out a little bit; I had no idea what it even meant. After a while in the cold night air, however, I at least stopped feeling terrified and just started feeling more exhausted and confused.

I rolled back to my bedroom, and then pushed myself up to my bed, eventually falling back asleep.

When I woke up again, it was from another fit of nightmares. I had to piece together some form of composure once again, but at least it was sunrise this time. I wasn't quite sure how long I could keep going without Asami's emotional support without starting to give up again; putting myself back together after the nightmares was exhausting, and my day had just started. I was doing well enough today, however, that I managed to bring myself down to my chair, change my clothes, and roll myself to my parent's house.

During the time Asami was away, I'd be spending a lot more time with my parents, both because I liked having someone to keep me company, and because I wasn't quite capable of doing all the things I needed to do to take care of myself before getting exhausted yet. I was able to do most of them, and that was a big deal, but I still needed some help.

I knocked on the door, and my mother quickly had the door. She smiled widely when she saw me, and leaned down to hug me.

"Sweetie, it's so good to have you here!" She smiled.

I smiled, too. It'd been too long since I'd really had a chance to spend much time with my parents, and I'd missed them.

My father was up, too, and he hugged me shortly after my mother let go.

After a few moments of small talk and catching up, my father went to go prepare something for breakfast, and after a few minutes more of me talking to my mother, my father called us over for breakfast, and I rolled myself to the dining room.

Much as I was grateful to Asami for cooking for me while she'd been here, I was really,  _really_  glad to be eating something that my father had cooked. Asami knew almost nothing about how to cook with anything available around here, so her cooking was at best bland, and normally somewhat bad. Both of my parents, however, knew how to cook quite well, and they'd spent all their lives in climates at least somewhat like this one.

I spent a while focusing on the food before I really started talking again; eating good food was something of a relief. After a moment, though, I decided that I had something important that I needed to ask  _someone_ , and honestly if my choices were between Katara and my parents, I felt more like asking my parents, even though I'd really prefer to ask someone more like Mako or Opal or something.

"I have a question." I began, "Is it normal for a girl to like a girl romantically? Hypothetically, I mean."

My father made a thoughtful face, "Are you looking for my answer to that question personally, or as the leader to the Southern Water Tribe?"

I was a little confused by that answer, because I was honestly not sure why he would have different answers to that question.

My mother, however, seemed to have a better clue of what was going on than my father. A slight knowing smirk crossed her face, and she said "I think she might be asked you as her father."

My father looked puzzled for a moment (and I probably did, too), but eventually a moment of recognition played out across his face, and then  _I_ understood, too. I felt super embarrassed, I hadn't quite meant to really reveal that much with my question.

"Senna, do you want to talk to her about this?" My father seemed a little nervous, as if the idea of me liking women scared him. His fear scared me, to some extent, driving home the feeling that something was wrong with me, but my mother seemed mostly unfazed.

"I think there's absolutely nothing wrong with you liking other women, honey." My mother began, and I let out a huge sigh of relief, "But. There are plenty of people of in the world who will disagree. Some of them will merely be unkind to you, some of them will try to hurt you. I do approve of you and Asami, though. I mean, she did drop everything to be with you, and I'm very happy to see you with someone who cares so much."

My father nodded.

"No! Well, uh, I mean, I'm not really with her yet, and..." I spluttered, embarrassed. I took a deep breath, "OK. I guess what I'm actually trying to say here is that while I definitely like her, since apparently I'm bad at being subtle, I really have no clue if she likes me yet. I hadn't really asked her yet or told her how I felt because I was honestly super confused about my feelings about her because I'd never liked a woman before."

After a moment, I realized that my father had said something else interesting, "Dad, what would your 'as-the-leader-of-the-Southern-Water-Tribe answer' be?"

"Up until today, I'd probably have said something like 'While understand that some in the public sphere may be uncomfortable with lesbians and gays, I think recriminalization of homosexual relationships would be a mistake.'" He said, "I think now that you're involved, though, I'd say something a little more assertive, more like 'The continued mistreatment of gays and lesbians in our present society is a shame, and something we ought to address.'"

"Recriminalization?" I asked, shocked, "Also, why would you only now be more assertive, if you were fine with the idea before?"

I had a passing understanding of politics, but my father's position sounded downright cynical.

"Honey. I can only go against the public will so much and so often. Even my old political stance hurt me politically, and we have elected leaders here now. I can't protect ANYONE if I make myself so unpopular that next time the people get to choose a chief, they throw me out for someone who thinks we should recriminalize sodomy. Knowing that you're involved just makes the issue more of a priority. I mean, I know that sounds bad, put yourself in my shoes. What if it was YOUR daughter coming to YOU with these questions?

As for sodomy being criminal until recently... did you not know?"

I frowned. He was right, there WAS only so much he could do, and it sounded like the kind of bind that would drive me bonkers. Still, he seemed more like the person I thought of him as, some passionate about his tribe and others well-being, and less like certain other more cynical politicians.

I had no idea what sodomy was, though.

"Sodomy?"

My father seemed somewhat uncomfortable, "Gay or lesbian sex, although techinically any non-procreative sex can be called that."

"Oh." I said.

Oh.

I wasn't entirely sure what sex would  _mean_  if I was talking about Asami and myself, but I now knew three things: One, that I had been criminal here and that it might still be criminal elsewhere. Two: At the very least, there were large groups, probably a majority of people, who still thought it SHOULD be a crime, and three, that at least something that could be called sex was a thing that was possible between women.

I could also reason that from what my parents had said, there were people who would look down on  _any_  romantic relationship between Asami and I. I at least had some understanding, now, of what was going on in the world and what I would be getting in to by asking Asami out.

But I also knew people like me existed. I was a little worried that Asami wouldn't like me and would judge me, but I wasn't all that worried; I trusted her, she said she'd be there for me through anything, so I was fairly sure the worst that could happen was her saying no. I also knew that even if she DID not want to be anywhere near me anymore after I told her, I'd still have my parents around.

I made a decision of what I was going to do when I saw her again. I was going to tell her.

The rest of the week dragged. When I was awake, I was thinking about her. I considered writing her a letter, telling her how I felt. I got about half way through before deciding it was too sappy, and it was honesty kind of embarrassing. If I'd felt comfortable bending again, I'd probably have fire bent it, but I just tore it up and threw it away, instead.

I sat in front of a mirror, and practiced telling her, but no matter how many times I practiced it, it always sounded awkward, or sappy, or clingy. Plus, practicing didn't make the idea of actually telling her any less scary. I was kind of embarrassed to be talking to a mirror, as well.

Occasionally, in the middle of conversation, I'd space out, thinking about what was going to happen when she'd get back. If there had been many flowers here, I was pretty sure that I'd have somehow wound up playing "she loves me, she loves me not" plucking the petals of the flower.

Healing sessions were a little different; I wasn't spending much time thinking about asking her out, mostly I was wishing she was there so I'd have her hand to hold through the pain. I was careful to limit how much pain I let myself experience at any one time; I really didn't like having flashbacks when she wasn't there to comfort me.

Nights were interesting; I had my fantasies and hopes to keep me company as I fell asleep, as well as my pillow, which I cuddled embarrassingly often. But, even as I was falling asleep, sometimes, I'd become aware of what might happen when I slept.

Because, most nights, I had nightmares. I had good dreams, too, dreams about Asami, but the nightmares outweighed the good dreams. When I woke up, I wasn't concerned about how she felt about me, because I was just missing her comfort. The time I spent awake after nightmares was less pleasant than the first times I fell asleep; while some times I'd wind up back in my head, most of the time I'd just wind up full of fear, tossing and turning, or occasionally I'd get up and wheel myself to the view.

That normally helped; it allowed me to calm my mind and find more pleasant things to think about. The cold winter air, as well, was always refreshing after I found myself tangled up and overheated by my blankets, dripping in the sweat from my nightmares. Once I'd calmed down a little, I'd normally wheel myself back to bed and fall asleep all over again.

One night, I couldn't sleep at all, so I wheeled myself out of bed and tried writing a letter again. This one was less sappy, but it still didn't feel right. I didn't want to burn this letter, I just didn't want to show it to her particularly.

Another night, I didn't even have any nightmares. I woke up unsure if my dreams had been real or not; I'd told her how I felt in one of the dreams, and she'd reciprocated. I spent a little while, confused and happy, not sure if the dream was real or not. Eventually, I realized that it was inconsistent with reality, and then I felt really sad; ultimately the good dream wasn't really worth the crash when I woke up.

Eventually, the day of her arrival came. She'd be coming in in the late afternoon, and I practically found myself counting the seconds. I ate breakfast with my family, which was nice because it almost got my mind off of Asami, although my mother teased me about being anxious.

The healing session, similarly, was kind of nice. Sure, it hurt, but at least I wasn't just waiting for Asami. Katara had a knowing smile, as if she knew  _exactly_  what I was anxious about, which, to be fair, she probably did.

After that, I had nothing to really do. I talked to my parents for a while, but that didn't really help all that much. I was fidgety and I had butterflies in my stomach. Lunch came around, but I hardly felt like eating.

"Are you alright, sweetie?" My mother looked seriously worried, "You aren't eating."

"I'm alright." I said, "I'm just... really, really anxious. It's really fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." I fidgeted, "I'm going to tell Asami how I feel about her today."

My mother smiled, "I hope that goes well for you."

I smiled, too, "me too."

About thirty minutes before Asami was supposed to finally arrive, I rolled down to the docks.

While I waited, I practiced what I was going to say,

"Asami, I think I may be in love with you." I tried, then muttered, "Nah, too forward, and I'm not sure 'love' is the right word."

"Asami, I think I might really, really like you." I tried again, then, again, shook my head, "No, I  _know_  I like her."

"Asami, I really, really like you." That was good, but I wanted better.

"Asami, I like you romantically." I tried, "nah, that's WAY too formal."

I kept trying things out, then deciding I wanted to say something better, for the entire time until the boat finally came into view. I sort of momentarily forgot the words as she got off the boat, and when I saw her smile when she saw me waiting, I completely lost them. She rushed up to me and hugged me, and I hugged her back.

"It's good to see you again." She said.

"It's good to see you, too." I said, "I missed you, and..."

The words were difficult to say, like they were caught in my throat,

"I have something to tell you." I began, "I really, really, really like you, and I mean that romantically."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aren't cliff-hangers your favorite thing? Because they are secretly mine. Also, half of this chapter was lost in it's original write because I forgot to save it, and then when I'd rewritten that half, I through the other half out, as it was unnecessary and weakened the plot! Basically, I rewrote this chapter a lot more than usual, although it's probably less well edited,.


	4. Together

Asami smiled, "I like you, too, but can we talk more about this later, because right now I need a shower and to get unpacked and generally I just feel like this is a big conversation and I'd like to actually think a little bit because this is kind of a huge deal and I'd just like to be a little more comfortable before I sit down and have this conversation with you."

I nodded. I was both ecstatic and terrified by her answer. On one hand, she liked me! On the other hand, that didn't necessarily mean that she wanted a relationship with me, as I'd learned in past from Mako. That meant that I could still have my heart broken yet. The silence as we continued back towards the house was a little awkward, so I decided to fill it.

"How was Republic City?"

"It was actually really nice being back there, although I  _did_  spend most of my time in meetings." She smiled, apparently she was glad to fill the silence, too, "I did get to have dinner with Mako and Bolin, though. Bolin is going to be leaving soon to help reunite the Earth Kingdom, so it's good I got to see him before he left. How was your time here?"

"It was kind of boring. I miss Republic City and most of my friends. I also feel kind of guilty, here Bolin is fixing up the Earth Kingdom and I'm STILL getting better. That said, it was nice spending some time with my parents. We should eat with them some time... I mean, if that's not going to be a thing that's awkward... but we're having that conversation later so I'll drop that."

_You really put your foot in your mouth there, Korra._  I snarked internally,  _We're carefully avoiding a topic? Let's manage to get there again within, like, two sentences!_

Asami laughed, "It's fine. I'm not up for the conversation yet, but I'm sure we'll be able to eat dinner with your parents in at least some way at some point. I'm honestly sorry I'm not up for the conversation yet, I'm sure you're in a kind of a nervous place."

"It's fine. I mean, I'm super nervous, but still, I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

"That's very thoughtful, thank you."

* * *

**Asami's POV:**

* * *

As I stepped out into the bathroom and closed the door behind me, I sighed. I needed some time to think; I really, really liked Korra, but I'd just assumed that she wasn't in a place to date, or that she was scared, because she'd seemed to have these feelings for a while. I'd honestly guessed that she'd never ask, so I'd never thought through if I was willing to date her.

I stripped out of my clothes, and turned on the water. I was really glad that this comfort of home, heated water, was available here, unlike a number of others. Showers were always relaxing, and they gave me time to think.

And think I did. On one hand, if I dated Korra, she wouldn't be the first woman I'd dated. I smiled fondly at the memories of the girl who HAD been my first. My father had walked in on Liling and I, which is actually when our relationship had become semi-serious, until that point we'd mostly been screwing around. My father had been really supportive, he'd merely expressed concerns that we were a little young to be doing what we'd been doing, and asked me to keep it a secret, as it could wreck both my reputation and his. That relationship, like most relationships between girls the ages we'd been, died because neither of us was good communicating what we needed. Still, it'd been fun while it lasted.

I'd been perfectly comfortable dating girls then, but now my reputation was a much more present concern, my father's betrayal of the city still weighed heavily on my company and even my own reputation. I wasn't sure that Future Industries could survive people finding out that I was bisexual; on one hand, it wouldn't do as much damage as my father's betrayal of the city, on the other hand, the brand was already pretty heavily damaged.

Still, I really wanted Korra. I liked her a hell of a lot. I had these feelings for months and I'd been trying to give them up after I'd become reasonably sure she was never going to tell me she felt the same way but they never, ever went away. Still, I wasn't sure how she'd take to us having to be a secret; and we  _would_  have to be a secret. There wasn't really any other choice if I was going to live in Republic City. Here in the South Pole, we would be  _tolerated_ , we wouldn't be criminals for who we were, but that was only really as a giant 'fuck-you' from the Southern Water Tribe to its Northern Counterpart; even the general public here had no love for people like me or Korra. Still, things in Republic City were worse. Any queer couples in the public eye could rely on being charged under the sodomy statue, even there was no evidence they'd technically been having sex. Republic city was NOT a safe place to be gay.

Of course, I also had no idea of exactly what Korra wanted. Even if I  _did_  decide I wanted a relationship, did she? That was, as least, something I could talk to her about. After my shower, I made my decision as to what I was going to do, got out of the shower, dried myself off, got dressed again, steeled ALL of my courage, and then opened the door.

* * *

**Korra's POV, a few minutes earlier.**

* * *

I picked at my nails nervously. I just wanted an answer; I had a good idea of what she was probably going to say, but still, I just couldn't settle my mind. Plus, what if she did say something different? What if she  _didn't_  want to be more than friends? It seemed like that'd be a perfectly reasonable way to feel, even if she liked me, from what my parents had told me yesterday.

I was even a little scared. I'd had the public turned against me before, and that had been really unpleasant. I'd ultimately been pushed out of Republic City. Still, I wanted to pursue this; even though I was scared, she seemed worth it. It felt like forever until the door finally opened, and my nervousness exploded again. Now was the moment of truth.

"I'm ready to talk." She sounded as nervous as I felt.

"Alright, so. I like you. You like me. What are we going to do about this?" I asked.

"I guess that rests on your answer to some questions. First, are you OK with  _us_  being a secret? I just can't afford to be open about this with the reputation of my company already in ruins and the laws in Republic City being so repressive. Second, what are you looking for with me? Are you in a place where a relationship would work out? You've been going through a lot lately, and if you want me to wait on you recovering a little bit more, I can do that." She offered.

I hadn't really thought about keeping things a secret. That was really disappointing, but it was kind of obvious now that I thought about it. I  _wanted_  to tell the whole world. Still, it wasn't a total deal-breaker; for now, at least, it was honestly easier than the alternative. Maybe some day the world would be a better place for people like us, as well. Plus, I reasoned, there were some people who it would be safe to tell.

"I guess we can keep it a secret. There are some people who I know it would be safe to talk to, in particular my parents, so I'd really like to tell them eventually, and honestly I'd kind of like to tell them sooner rather than later, but aside from that this can absolutely be a secret if you want it to be, that makes perfect sense." I said, biting my lip slightly, "and... yeah, I would very much like to be in a relationship with you now. I think I can make it work, and I won't want to have to wait on getting better."

"If you're sure they're safe to talk to, I'm happy to tell your parents about us." Asami smiled.

"So, then, 'us' is a thing?" I awkwardly made sure I understood.

Asami snorted, but she sounded deeply relieved, as well, and teased, "Yes, as you so eloquently put it,  _'_ _us' is a thing_ , Korra."

"No, you know what, I'll leave eloquence to you. You're very good at it. Seriously, I could hear you talk for ever and never get bored of just listening to the way you make sentences sound." I turned the teasing around.

Asami blushed fairly strongly. I smiled; I'd definitely won at teasing this time around.

I laughed, I was so relieved and excited. I was grinning. We were  _together._  She liked me back. I was thrilled.

She looked pretty happy herself, as she sat down next to me on the bed. She asked almost nervously, "Is it OK if I hug you?"

I was tempted to laugh, because she'd hugged me so many times before. But still, it meant something different, now, somehow, and I actually appreciated her asking.

"I'd really like that."

She put her arms around me. Where she touched felt electric and alive. I leaned in to rest my head on her; this was  _real_. It was so weird, this being real and not a dream. It was so weird to be actually cuddling her, and not in an awkward semi-platonic way.

"So, you like to hear me talk?" She said, "Would you like to hear me talk about something?"

She sounded vaguely like she was teasing, but I was really tired from the week. I hadn't slept that well all week. I couldn't really tell if she was teasing, anyway, so I decided to assume that she wasn't. It would be nice to listen to her, any way, because it would mean I wouldn't have to think as much.

"I dunno. Tell me about one of your car designs." I suggest.

She laughed, and I realized she had been teasing, but her eyes lit up at the suggestion, and she did.

I really didn't understand most of what she was saying (I didn't really know the first thing about cars, after all), but she ran a hand through my hair as she talked, and I did absolutely love the way she talked. Eventually, I was struggling to stay awake; her playing with my hair was absolutely wonderful, and I was so tired.

I tried to stay awake. I wanted to enjoy spending time with my new girlfriend ,and right now, the real world seemed a lot less scary than my dreams. Eventually, though, I lost the battle of will, and my eyes shut.

* * *

**Asami's POV**

* * *

Eventually, Korra went from sleepily vaguely responding to what I was saying (an "Uh-huh" and a "keep going." from time to time) to not responding at all. Additionally, her breathing had changed patterns slightly. She was asleep. I thought a bit about the day so far; it had hardly gone as I'd expected it to. I'd really not expected Korra to tell me about her feelings, or to be here, cuddling her in a way that was about romance and not about comfort. Not that I was complaining or anything; this made me super happy, and I'd wished I could have this for quite some time.

Still, I was a little worried about the future. I wasn't sure if it was even  _possible_ to keep this big a secret. It was practically bordering on the kind of thing you'd only hear about in conspiracy theories. We were two of the most powerful women in the world, and we were now secretly dating. On one hand, we had enormous resources at our disposal to keep this a secret. On the other hand, next time we were in Republic City, a misplaced hickey could be enough to bring the paparazzi down on whoever was wearing it for months afterward. In some sense, here in the South Pole was basically the only safe place for us. If we were found out here, it wouldn't be quite as bad as in Republic City, and we had some degree of privacy here, the press here had nothing on the press in Republic City.

I also wasn't sure what toll the secrecy would take on our new relationship. I'd had relationships in secret before (and even they had suffered slightly from the secrecy), but it wasn't as hard a secret to keep. I hadn't been a public figure then; while I'd still been a mild celebrity just because I was my father's child, I'd never really been notable in my own right until now. I'd also never dated anyone who was anywhere near as much of a media spectacle as Korra. Plus, while I didn't exactly know how serious this relationship was going to be, I was still fairly certain that it was going to be a lot more serious than any of the playful relationships I'd had as a teenager.

Still, it was nice to have Korra here with me. I could be worried about the future as much as I liked, but I really wanted to stop and appreciate what I had right now.

And what was going on was definitely worth appreciating. I had the strongest, most powerful, most important woman in the world clinging to me, sleeping. She was fucking ADORABLE, in a way that I'd never really recognized before. She wasn't hurt or scared, like I'd seen her so much lately, nor even fiery and powerful, like I was used to seeing her.

She just seemed peaceful.

And she liked  _me._  I felt so special, thinking that. I could feel my heart beat just a little faster, remembering what she'd said. She 'really, really liked' me, or so she'd said. I couldn't help but smile at her awkwardness; the way she talked about me was so sincere and so cute. The future seemed a little less scary, remembering that I'd be facing it with the girl on my shoulder.

"I really, really, really like you, too." I whispered to my girlfriend. Girlfriend? Was that word right? I'd have to make sure she was comfortable with me calling her that, some of my first few partners had been uncomfortable with that until things got a little more serious, and I had no idea how Korra would feel.

It was a conversation to have for a later time, though. Right now, I was exhausted, and I was cuddling someone who was very warm. I'd been working basically all day for the last week, and I desperately needed a nap, because I'd been up since extremely early. I laid Korra down carefully so she wouldn't be woken by me slumping over when I fell asleep, and then, warm, content, and extremely tired, I fell asleep next to Korra.

* * *

**Raiko's POV:**

* * *

"Sir, you're really suffering in the polls. The city isn't being rebuilt fast enough, you're developing a reputation for being 'soft on crime', and you're generally seen as ineffective leader. We're only a year out from the first midterms, and this could seriously hurt your part at the polls." My aide said.

"That's... very unfortunate." That was a significant dilemma, midterm elections were coming up too fast, and I did want my party to remain in as much control of the legislature as possible. I'd already known the polling situation was tough, but as my aide read out some numbers and demographic information, I realized just how bad off I'd be if elections came today.

I had to do something. I needed something that would capture public opinion, and I had a bunch of ideas of how to do it. If soft on crime was a problem, though, there was always the Vice division idea. It wouldn't really be good for solving crime, if anything, I was of the opinion that it would make things a little bit worse, but if the public wanted tough on crime, I could give them tough on crime.

"Let Chief Beifong know that I'm taking some of her police force to set up a Vice Division. We're going to be going after the kinds of criminals that make the city a less moral place; prostitues, sodomites, pornographers, you know, the like. Let Beifong know that I'm happy to be in charge of that division and to have it be a separate force from her police force, and that I'm even willing to recruit people on my own, if she'd like. I'm sure she will, she probably won't like the idea, and having more direct control is better for me, anyway.

Also, let her know that if she thinks it's a waste of perfectly good time and that we shouldn't do it, she's welcome to run against me for President next cycle and see if SHE can handle the public pressure."

My aide nodded, "I think that might just work, sir!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I know, I'm assuming RC has branches of government, which is not-necessarily-canon, although not quite not-necessarily-canon as the social situation throughout the world is like. I apologize if any of you don't like Raiko as a villain, but seriously, he's always struck me as a politician's politician, and I don't have a lot of respect for that.
> 
> Also, I'm really proud of some of the Korrasami in this edit. There's a good deal of cute in this chapter, and that was what I was aiming for!


	5. First kiss

When I woke up, Asami was running a hand through my hair, whispering, "Korra, it's time to wake up."

I groaned, "Don' wanna. Was havin' a good dream."

It took me a few moments to realize that Asami was here, which meant that the day I remembered having wasn't a dream, it was  _real_.

I blushed, and groggily muttered, "Wait, that really happened? We-"

I could hear her smile in her voice from behind me, "Yep. That was definitely not a dream. You and me? Definitely together."

"How long did I sleep?" I asked, comfortable up against her.

"About half an hour. I dozed for a little bit myself, but I'm not really used to sleeping with you, so I couldn't exactly stay asleep." She smiled, "By the way, you're super adorable when you're peacefully asleep."

I smiled and blushed a little more, "Then why'd you wake me up? You could have watched me sleep more if you wanted to, you know."

"I  _could_  have, but we need to get you to Katara's house. You have a healing session to get to."

"Ah. You're coming with me, right?"

"Definitely." She smiled.

She climbed over me and then helped me get up and back into my wheelchair. (I could have done it myself, but I didn't exactly mind the excuse to have her holding me, and I also didn't mind avoiding putting the weight on my still extremely weak legs) Asami rested a hand on my shoulder intimately; I realized that she'd probably have been holding my hand, but that would have made it impossible for me to move in a straight line.

She removed the hand from my shoulder when we got to the house's front door. I pouted slightly, but I understood why she had to do it.

She seemed as disappointed as I felt, "I'm sorry, but-"

"It's fine." I cut her off, "We agreed that this had to be secret."

She nodded, but she still seemed sad, and I still felt sad.

* * *

The pain from the healing had decreased bit by bit as I'd gone through the many healing sessions so far, and today, with Asami by my side, I managed to keep going long enough that Katara told me that really wasn't a point to healing me more right now, because my body had to do at least some of the healing, and healing could only do so much on it's own. I was still in a lot of pain, but it was fading pretty quickly.

"Can I try to walk again?" I asked. It had been a while since I'd tried to walk, but I was feeling really good today, and I wanted to start getting back to my feet.

Katara helped me up to my chair, and pushed it in to the pair of beams toward the back of the room she had set up specifically to help brace me as I tried to learn to walk again. She helped me up to the beams, where I could mostly hold myself up. It was a little funny that I had more strength in my arms than my legs. It was in part because I'd been using my arms a lot more than my legs, and it was in part because I'd lost a lot more functionality, including some sensory functioning, in my legs than I had in my arms.

She let go of me, and I held myself up there for a moment; I knew I still didn't have the arm strength to hold myself up for all that long, nor did I really want to, but I was really scared to let myself rest much weight on the feet. I was already scared by the time that I let my weight slowly shift down to my feet. I momentarily stood, and tried to stumble forward, but my legs hurt terribly. Even besides the pain, though, the weakness in my legs and the already present fear made me want to run. I collapsed.

I couldn't run, I couldn't escape, the fear took me over. I was chained to a wall again in my head. I knew rationally where I really was, but the fear played out so much louder in my head than any rational thought.

Eventually, the flashbacks stopped, and the fear subsided to a degree. I noticed out the corner of my eye that Asami was fidgeting with her hands. I wanted her here to comfort me, and I realized that before we'd become a couple, she'd probably have rushed over to take care of me. But now?  _Now_ , she was standing a ways away, fidgeting uncomfortably and looking incredibly pained, doing everything in her power to avoid even possibly shedding light on our secret.

Frustratingly, this wasn't even a place where we  _really_  needed to keep a secret. Katara would almost certainly support us; even if she didn't fully understand, she'd always supported me. Still, Asami and I hadn't discussed if it would be OK, so neither of us could really ask the other if it was OK to do something that  _might_  let her know.

I could feel tears beginning to form in my eyes; I just wanted a hug. I just wanted to hug Asami, to comfort her, because she looked like she was hurting and scared herself. The first tear fell, and I could see her eyes welling up, as well. It all hurt terribly, and I sobbed, loudly. Asami was crying as well, but she managed to remain silent.

I swallowed back my tears; I couldn't cry here.

"I think I'm done for today." I said. Katara helped me back into the chair, and Asami wiped her tears as best she could, and then I rolled myself out. Asami followed.

"Let's get back." I said, doing by best not to cry loudly here.

We made our way back to the house, and as soon as we were in the front door, I stopped holding back my tears. I leaned on her, and she put her arm around me. I started to sob loudly, and I could feel her tears falling down on to the top of my head.

"I'm sorry. I wanted to be there for you. I'm so sorry I can't be there for you in public." She sobbed, "I just wanted to give you a hug; you were so clearly hurting, and... and I hate the fact that the world can't know. I adore you, and we should be happy! This should be happy! We're together, but it's a painful secret. That's so fucked up, and I'm so sorry.

"Yeah." I choked out, "I... You know, you can always tell me you don't want this. If this is too much for you. I mean, I could see how much my pain hurt you, and I don't want to make you hurt if I don't have to and-"

"No, I want to be with you." She said, "I think you're worth it."

We spent some time just cuddling, and eventually, I said, "You know, we can probably Katara. I think she'll be supportive; I mean, she supported me basically always throughout my childhood, even when I ran off to Republic City. I think she'll support me in this."

Asami nodded, "I'm willing to give her a chance if that means that I won't have to watch you get hurt like that again there without being able to do a damn thing."

I smiled.

Later that evening, she went into the kitchen to prepare dinner.

"So, what  _is_  for dinner?" I asked, smiling at her.

She shared my smile, "Actually, I brought back some of the stuff I'll need to cook some things I'm a little more familiar with."

"Oh? Does that mean you'll be cooling something from the fire nation?" I grinned; something new and different sounded exciting, especially given that it wouldn't be Asami's really mediocre attempts at Water Tribe food.

She laughed, "Yeah."

I stayed with her in the kitchen as she cooked, helping where I could, and flirting basically constantly. ("Hey, 'Sami. What do you and this dish have in common?" "What" "You both smell really good!" She gave a gentle laugh at that one.)

It was probably the fasted waiting for dinner had ever felt in my entire life. Eventually, she brought the food to the table, and set us at places on oppisite sides of the table, as we'd done before. She sat down, and I rolled over to my place.

When I tried the food, I smiled really widely; unlike anything she'd cooked up until now, this was REALLY good.

"This is  _really_  good" I said through a mouth full of food.

"Attractive." She snarked, (I blushed, and slammed my mouth shut and covered it in my embarrassment), but she also smiled, "Also, why do you sound so surprised?"

She had a certain swagger and confidence about her that I absolutely loved. I blushed, but I was still nervous that I might have actually offended her, so I quickly stammered out a defense, "I don't mean anything about it! I just meant that it was better than what you'd cooked so far, which... well, I mean I don't want to say it was bad, it just wasn't nearly this good!"

She laughed, gently.

"No, it's fine. My attempts at cooking water tribe food have been... mediocre. This is what I really know to cook. I used to spent time cooking with my mother, back before she died. Both my mom and my dad cooked; they split the kitchen duty, but he wasn't as good at sharing the kitchen. Mom, however, was excellent at it. That was where I spent a lot of the time ever got to spend with my mother; I wasn't really interested in the business administration work that she mostly did at that age. Dad did engineering work when I was that age, although they both could have traded jobs and they would have only done marginally worse. Either way, I found Dad's work far more interesting, so I mostly watched him work. Anyway, when Mom died, Dad took it  _really_  hard." By this point, her smile had turned into a frown, "Like, harder than I did. I did a lot of taking care of him. He got better, eventually, and took back most of the household responsibilities, but... I cooked some nights, even afterward, because it reminded me Mom."

At this point, her frown has gone from being merely a minor feature of her mouth to taking up her entire face. I moved myself (and, with some difficulty, my food) next to her, and hugged her. She began to cry into my shoulder, "I miss her. I miss her and I wish he hadn't betrayed me because he was all the family I had left after I lost her and he'd taken such good care of me after that and he'd made sure I'd be able to take care of myself and he supported me through everything even me when he found out I was bi and yet he still betrayed me and my city and you."

I her her close, and eventually she stopped crying. We started eating again, and our mood lifted as conversation resumed, this time on less heavy topics. As we were finishing up, we were joking around again, and she looked at me, and, very nervously, asked, "Can I kiss you"

I nodded, and she leaned in. Our lips only briefly met, and then she pulled away, before kissing me again. This time, her tongue poked at my lips, and I let it in, pushing my tongue into her mouth. We explored each other's mouths, and by the time the kiss broke, I was short on breath, both because of the intensity of the kiss, and because of the fact that I felt like I needed a million times more oxygen due to my excitement.

* * *

Yuuka's POV

* * *

The girl I was dancing with winked, and then leaned in closer, so I could hear her whisper despite the crowd, "So, when are we getting out of here? I love dancing with you, and I like this bar, but... well, there are things I'd rather be doing to you right now."

I smirked, "One more song, you know, I absolutely  _adore_  this song."

Mostly, I was just teasing her; I did like this song, but the frustrated look on her face was why I wasn't absolutely revving to go home with her right away; that look was what made putting off doing "something else" worth my while.

Sadly, the frustrated look didn't last long, because an alarm light started flashing. The alarm for a police raid?

The music died, and the pleasant roar of the dance floor was replaced with a panicked whispering. I let go of girlfriend, and took a deep breath.

_I'm going to be FINE._  I reminded myself. I wasn't doing anything illegal; sure, I'd been dancing with my girlfriend, which might get me in trouble with an overzealous cop; it wasn't unheard of for lesbians showing any form of intimacy being hit with a public indecency charge. The charges never stuck, but it wasn't really the prison time I was scared of. I was scared of being outed, of having my career come to an abrupt end as I was forced out of the closet. But... that was the reason for the alarm; we'd been given time to separate so there was no proof we were doing anything legally questionable.

To some extent, I was a little confused; raids on gay bars still happened from time to time, but they were pretty unusual nowadays. I hadn't been in a bar that had been raided since back in the days when Republic City was run by a council, at least. That down time had been nice; as a butch lesbian, I hadn't missed having to prove that I was technically not legally cross-dressed.

The door to this section burst open, and a small group of metal-bender cops spread out into the room, although I didn't exactly recognize the insignia they were wearing; it wasn't a badge  _I_ was familiar with.

"I want everyone up against the wall, IDs out! If anyone tries to run, we'll charge you with resisting arrest, so it's in your best interest to cooperate!" One of the metal bender cops yelled. He seemed honestly more nervous than the group he was arresting. Sure, some of us, the kids, and the folks who were legally cross dressed, looked nervous, and a few of us were crying, but for the most part, we were pretty calm. Perhaps this was his first raid? That would be funny, since it WASN'T mine.

I sighed, and stood up against the wall. I pulled my wallet out of my pocket, and removed my ID. The cops moved steadily down the line, mostly passing people up. Occasionally, someone who was "cross-dressed"would have a quick conversation with a cop; most of them would be sent to the bathrooms (they were actually doing underwear checks? God damn it) or rarely, arrested.

Some of the younger kids from the bar were getting arrested straight up, as well as anyone without an ID. In fact, if the cops had half a reason, they were arresting people here. This was slightly different from previous raids, and I was starting to get a little mad. Still, I couldn't very well afford to be arrested, so I did nothing. One of the cops stopped in front of me (I finally got a chance to read his badge, it said "RC Vice Patrol", whatever the fuck that meant. Maybe it was a new division specifically targeting us?)

"Three gender appropriate articles of clothing?"

"Northern Water Tribe heritage. Courts have ruled that gender appropriate clothing has a broader definition in-" I began, trying to avoid having to prove that I was wearing a bra (it was my third item of gender appropriate clothing) and pull a fast one on an inexperienced cop. He didn't buy it at all.

"Bullshit. You look about as much like a Northie as that speaker does. Plus, suits aren't exactly gender appropriate clothing, even for Northern women, so that doesn't work out so well for you. I'll give you one more chance; do you have three gender appropriate items of clothing on, or am I arresting you right here?"

"Necklace, shoes."I indicated at both, "And a bra, of course."

"We'll need to confirm." He said shortly, "Women's bathroom. We have an officer checking clothes."

I sighed, and walked off to the bathroom. The line was fairly long, and I had an amusing moment of thinking about what would happen even if I did need to use the bathroom. Most of the time, people walked out under their own power, but a few people came out in cuffs. The line moved fairly slowly, and eventually I reached the front of the line.

I went inside.

"Three items?" The man inside asked. Figures it'd be a MAN inside, the cops always did love humiliating us.

"Necklaces, shoes, bra." I said. I was determined to get this over with; this cop wouldn't be getting any talking back from me.

"Show me the bra, please."

I lifted the side of my shirt enough that the strap was visible, "May I leave now?"

Much to my suprise, he didn't choose to find some other way to humiliate me, instead answering "yes".

I let out a deep sigh of relief; police really liked to harass butch women at gay bars, especially those of us who used underwear as one of our items of clothing.

When I walked out of the bar, I covered my face in my hands, peering through my fingers; I had to make sure that my face didn't show up in any of the pictures of the arrests that media LOVED to get. There were plenty of people being loaded into paddy wagons, some crying, others looking defiant.

There were also more cameras than I had ever seen at one of these raids; it was as if someone had put out a press release or something before hand. I noticed people being loaded into paddy wagons, and the blinding flash of cameras as they were loaded in. I rushed off toward the place I'd agreed to meet my girlfriend if the place ever got raided.

It was something of a ways away, but that was an advantage, as it meant we were away from media. We were alone, and she rushed up and hugged me when I came into sight, "Are you OK? I was so worried when they-"

I cut her off with a quick kiss on the lips, and then we disentangled, "I'm a little humiliated, but aside from that, I'm fine."

She smiled, "Good. I'm really done with today, let's get back to your place."

"I'm feeling pretty done, too." I nodded, "I wish we had gone home when you had suggested it. We could have been having a great time instead of getting raided."

She laughed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drawing on history makes writing some scenes a lot of fun. The best part about the bar scene is putting together real historical laws (like the three items of clothing law) with implications of the setting (like, for instance, the dress of the Northern Water Tribe.) That's probably the most fun I've had with any line of dialogue. The other nice thing about fictional settings is that you don't have to nail your history 100%, so for instance I can write about same-sex romantic dancing getting people in trouble without remembering the actual (and probably heavy in terms of punishment) legal issues with it at the time.
> 
> Also, if you don't know who Yuuka is, that's because you shouldn't, because she's an OC who I made so I could have a point of view character go through the raid at a gay bar.


End file.
